Recently I felt urged on to “remember”. To look back at the story of my life unfolding and see the threads of God’s grace and provision in all things. It’s been wonderful and sometimes hard to remember. To see the good but also acknowledge the pain.
Nearly 6 years ago I started a blog that documented a road to a healthier heart and soul. It told stories of my overcoming and my journey towards greater wholeness and peace as a very young woman. I felt to resurrect some of these posts and share them with you. It seems that over the years the anthem of my heart and the stance of life has only become more defined and true. (I love that.)
Here is the fifth edition of THE THROWBACK SERIES. A reminder to stop and take stock of all that God has done in your life. Be encouraged today and in your remembering would you believe that He will do it again, in greater measure than before.
01 October 2012, Scary moves
So after a wonderful weekend of wedding celebrations my husband, Dylan and I, are lying in bed. Exhausted, with hearts full. And he out of the blue says, “I want to make some scary moves. I WANNA DO THINGS THAT ARE BEYOND THE NORM THIS YEAR. FAITH THINGS!”
Now I knew this was coming in some form or another. He’s always been the radical and crazy kind but hearing him say it and name it made it all the more real. And then to make me even more uncomfortable he asks- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO THIS YEAR THAT SCARES YOU AND TAKES FAITH? And I said… (wait for it) utterly nothing. You see I knew that if I shared the faith things, the scary and crazy things, it would make them real. And Dylan, as he does would gently encourage me (aka push me ha!) to make some calls and DO SOMETHING. Life has got so comfortable. I’m living a content and full life and I find myself thinking, “Why mess with this happy place? Why choose to step out into the great unknown, its going to mean hard work and sacrifice?” There will be abundant joy and blessing for sure, but perhaps not at first. I like it here, I found myself thinking. Risk free is so cool right now.”
But I know, even in the moment of hesitation. I will not stay here. Because I was not born for the well travelled path. The easy life. The comfortable place. I can’t settle and play it safe and I am certainly called to more than maintenance mode. I have this one beautiful life and I have to give it everything I’ve got.
And so over a few days I have said “no” again to the things that entangle. The comforts and the crutches. The safety nets and support structures. The mediocre. The maintaining. I’ve said no to fear and doubt. No to the convenience of staying stationary and asked God to invade my life with the uncomfortable. (Can you handle it?) To stretch and strengthen me in ways that I never dreamed possible. To grow my capacity and extend my leadership.
Generosity with my money can feel uncomfortable for me but God is asking me to be generous on every occasion. Growing our family and having more children is tough (we were contemplating a third child) and I find it so stretching but God is asking me to trust Him and know that He has a plan. Trusting Dyl to make decisions for our family is often difficult and sometimes leaves me feeling out of control but God is asking me to give myself away and trust trust trust. How is it even possible for me to settle and stay in the comfortable risk free place when there is so much at stake if I do not move? So much more for me than what today holds. How can I stay when God is clearly asking me to go? I feel like my wrestle with moving from this stuck place is one that many of us experience.
So if you like me are feeling scared at the prospect of living in a “bigger than me” existence please join me in praying the following: “GOD HELP ME TO MOVE FORWARD AT THE SPEED OF YOUR INTENTION AND DIRECTION, NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL THE TRANSITION MAY BE.”
Ask yourself this question, What would you do today if you knew you wouldn’t fail? Think about it. Lean into your hearts desires. Then go for it. Most of the time we don’t move forward because we are scared of failing. Of getting hurt. Of losing. I am making a commitment to God today to get moving. To become unstuck so to speak. To take a risk. To move from comfortable to uncomfortable. To do something even though I am perhaps scared of the outcome.
Deep breath in. Deep breath out. There’s more to the story. God has my back. He has yours to.