I’ve had a busy few months. I know “busy” is a buzz word and we are all running off our feet, so this is not to solicit a response from you but rather to state the obvious. In terms of MY life and all I’ve done and been exposed to up to this point, 2018 has been frenetic. Full and fast. Busy. Somewhat blurry and relentless in nature. We’ve traveled. Added a fourth baby to our mix. Renovated our house. Amongst some other day to day realities. Looking back I can’t believe how much we have squeezed in but it has made for some interesting seasons to navigate.
And then this week dawned. I felt it. I felt a shift. It’s not like the busyness magically dissipated but rather I leant into taking a few moments here and there for me. Call it what you want. Maybe it’s “self love’ which is all the rage. Maybe its just a deep knowing that there are things I unapologetically can’t live without to stay healthy. Maybe I’m just fed up with the busyness that I am creating. Who knows? But I have done some strangely unique things this week. I’ve penned some thoughts. Had my hair done. Started a gym routine. Chosen to eat only veggies for a short while. Started watching ‘The Crown’ on Netflix. (I know- I’m an extremist but wow has it been good to do these things)
Writing (although I share some of it with you) is one thing that is mostly for me. It’s the way that my soul declutters and my heart finds a steady rhythm again. It’s the way that I find clarity of thought and the way that I journey my way through pain. And so finding a way back to this point has been an important task. One that hasn’t been as easy as I would have liked.
In this season of nappies and school runs. Daily administration. Homework and baby puree, I’ve felt overwhelmingly deflated. I know. It is completely ludicrous given that I live the dream life right? But I just haven’t been able to shake the frustration of being in my ‘prime’ and yet each day feels like I accomplish nothing of world changing value. This came to a head two weeks ago when I sent Dylan a text saying that despite my extreme gratitude for all I have around me, I feel wasted. Like a beautiful perfume poured out, “wasted”, instead of savoured and used for special occasions.
Here’s where I get to my point. The day after I sent Dylan this text Mackenzie came home with a card creation for me. She was about to go on her ten year old birthday trip and she had watched me organise it so this was her way of saying thank you. As I read through her many ways of expressing gratitude I was captivated by the central point of her card. It said this “ NO DAY IS WASTED BECAUSE OF YOU MOM”. Now I know what you are thinking, it’s a co-incidence and she is only 10. But the thing is, I don’t believe in co-incidences. I’m crazy enough to believe that there is a God who loves me so much that He would use even a child to remind me that despite what I may feel NOTHING IS WASTED.
Even in this season of sleepless nights, aching arms and endless lists of things to do I am right where I am supposed to be. Not one packed lunchbox, cooked dinner, bed time story, lingering conversation with husband or weekly planned schedule is wasted. In fact, it is quite the opposite. It’s a sweet gift to the one who receives our sacrifice and reminds us gently that every little thing counts. It counts. Just like the woman who poured out all she had, a costly perfume, my daily offering is more than enough. The woman poured out her life over the very feet of Jesus. I kinda like to think I may be doing the same thing one little human, one creative piece, one homework session, one loving embrace, one intentional conversation at a time.
My life is not wasted. Your life is not wasted. It’s an outpouring of praise and sacrifice for the one who poured it all out first. So take heart. Just as I have. Nothing is wasted. It all counts towards the bigger story. So I’ll keep on keeping on. Wasting my energy on these seemingly mundane things that have magnificent eternal value in the end. I hope you will to.