My Star

Some days are just a little more complex than others. Some days are a little longer and slower. I let my mind wander off to places I know I shouldn’t, and well, pair that with some stress around our situation and you’ve got “that” kind of day. For us “that” kind of day looks like the milk running low and the baby boy is not himself. The skies a bit grey and the energy levels are low. I don’t have the will to manage screen time and clean out the house. I feel like eating jam and cheese on toast but there is no cheese. We have been here for 17 days. The days and weeks have started to blur into one and my anxiety levels peaked this morning as I began to look towards another island month. It’s just one of those days. I know it won’t last but I’ve allowed myself to sit here for a minute because I’m intrigued about what my next step is. The one that will pull me out of today and plant me firmly with a fresh head and a peaceful heart in tomorrow.

As I’ve stood still in this wobbly moment, or written and journaled it through, I’ve found myself longing for dusk. You see, everyday at sunset we make our way to the sandy front patch that houses some loungers and the most exquisite view. We gather to watch the sunset, the kind of picturesque scenes that take your breath away. We talk about the day, the effects of Covid-19 on this island, our home land and the world. We talk about how we have felt today and what tomorrow might hold and then, just as the sun disappears for but a moment my star appears shining brightly in the dusky sky.

I call it “my star” because when we first arrived and Lockdown was nowhere in sight we sat on this same sandy patch that night and I saw this star shining so brilliantly, it left a trail of magic light on the ocean. It captivated my heart instantly and reminded me of the star that led the wisemen to Jesus. A star so magnificent that it could not be ignored. And so, each night as my heart has navigated the reality of our circumstance I have waited patiently for my star to come and centre my heart.

I’ve told my girls that this star is leading me home. If I just look at it long enough and follow it with my thoughts and mind I inevitably will end up HOME. I have told them that it was put in the sky for this time, like a sign from God Himself. A reminder that home is on the other side of the night. That I don’t have to worry about being stuck or stranded as my kids like to call it. I do not have to fear the lack of supplies or the risk of illness on such a small island. I am held by a perfectly good Father who knows exactly what we need and promises we will make it through.

We’ve developed this idea in our home called a comfort zone. Mackenzie dreamt it up as she navigated her own fear and disappointment. When we feel scared or unsure. When we miss our friends or we long for our familiar things. When we feel cooped up and caged in or when we just need fresh perspective, we should go to our comfort zone. A place where we can take a deep breath and remind ourselves of the truth. This is not the end. We will all come out of this and we will make it home. The girls have found a secret garden full of exotic plants and lime trees. Mango trees and island flowers. They go there to walk off a bad attitude or over emotional tears. My comfort zone is my star. I look at it each night (Side note: come rain or shine this star has found a way out to me each night- for 16 nights) and I tell myself it is gonna be ok. Whether its been a good day or an average day or a pretty rough one I tell myself every night in my mind that I am safe. I am protected. I am blessed and favoured by God. I tell myself we are going home and that I have the capacity to wait and endure. 

Scripture tells us he hung the stars in the heavens to worship Him. To showcase HIs stunning glory. This morning this got me to thinking. We too have been created for worship. To simply shine and showcase the glory of God on the earth. I feel more and more compelled to worship Him as the days roll on. As my need for Him is greater each day. Even on days like today when I don’t feel it, I know that as I do what I was ultimately created to do, I SHINE, and perhaps my shining, just like this star would ultimately lead you HOME. Towards truth. Towards Jesus Himself. Towards a comfort and a knowing that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK.

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