Someone recently asked me why I am so passionate about togetherness in marriage?
I was flattered. Does that mean they see “togetherness” in my marriage? Are we together??
Ha. Most times, maybe? And sometimes not- but it is a huge value for us that our marriage would be founded upon a solid ground of closeness and intimacy, with a commitment to moving in the same direction. The internet says that TOGETHERNESS is the new wonder ingredient for marriage – I think it’s on to something. But wonder ingredient suggests a quick fix and togetherness is not built quickly but rather over a lifetime. I am so passionate about the subject of togetherness and would love to share my thoughts with you. But I want to say outright, that these are MY thoughts formed from my beliefs and value system. You may not agree with them, that’s your choice, and I am ok with that.
I am married (to a fine human being) but further than that I wholeheartedly believe in togetherness within marriage. This, is I the most important thing. That I am not just married (mindlessly going through the motions) but rather mindfully choosing togetherness. It is my belief and value of togetherness that shapes the way that I approach my marriage everyday. This is not an easy road but so worthwhile, I promise. And you know, sometimes I don’t get this right at all. AT ALL. But I just keep taking little steps and making everyday choices to move towards my husband everyday. I get that this can be a difficult notion to process, especially when you “feel” like together isn’t going so well for you right now. And let’s be honest, it is only my opinion after all; but I know like I know like I know that togetherness in all aspects of our marriages is what will save us and bring us greater connection and much joy.
So for those of you who are not convinced maybe God’s thoughts will help (insert wink)
In GENESIS 2: 18-19 God says, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”
Choosing togetherness means changing your mindset to believe that you are better when in partnership with your spouse. It means leaving behind the attitude that he/she is holding you back and weighing you down and that actually together we can achieve more than we ever possibly could alone.
It wasn’t good that man was ALONE (emphasis on alone).
WE WERE NOT CREATED FOR ISOLATION but rather INTIMACY (TOGETHERNESS).
We were created for partnership, friendship, togetherness and team work.
If God saw it fit to add a woman to a man, I have to believe that the very heart of God (the creative GENIUS of God) says WE ARE BETTER WHEN WE ARE TOGETHER.
Togetherness is a priority of God. And in my experience, when we partner with God’s ideas and ways we live very blessed lives.
This scripture further suggests that women were created as a solution to the problem of man alone. When God looks at all of creation, He says “IT IS GOOD” but when he sees man living alone and tending the garden; doing what God had called him to do ALONE, God says “IT IS NOT GOOD FOR MAN TO BE ALONE”
And so He gives man a beautiful gift. A helper. A woman.
A helper suggests that MANS strength for all he was created to be and do is INADEQUATE in itself. For Adam to fulfill His God given destiny HE NEEDS A WOMAN. She helps him become all he is created to be. She is his courage, she is his confidant, she is his partner in battle, she is his biggest fan, she is his friend and she is in HIS CORNER!!
A comparable helper suggests COMPLEMENTARITY (I know it is a big word but it is so helpful.)
-a relationship or situation in which two or more different things improve or emphasize each other’s qualities.
So its pretty clear MAN NEEDS HELP- and woman provides that help by mutual support through companionship, friendship, support, togetherness and fellowship. And when they find this amazing togetherness both man and woman improve in quality. HOW AWESOME!
Now I know that the world is shouting YOU CAN DO IT. YOU DON’T NEED ANYONE! But there is nothing further from the truth. Togetherness is the key. The key to long lasting, fun, happy and dynamic marriages. But it is a choice. An everyday kinda choice. An even when I don’t feel like it kinda choice. A worthwhile and life changing choice. A choice that will bring peace, rest and joy to our lives. I wanna be a woman that chooses well. A woman that chooses togetherness and thereby brings saving grace to her marriage.